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Joke of the Day

"My dad told me ""Son if you don't stop masturbating you'll go blind"" I told him ""Dad I'm over here"""

"What do you call a Jew with no chance of getting ahead? Bernie Sanders."

"What do you call the girls who outrun me? Virgins."

"Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don't get married. If you are over 35, don't get married. If you are 35, don't get married."

"Jesus must have had a chiseled, muscular body... I mean, he did cross fit, for God's sake. And the Bible tells us he was cut, ripped, and shredded."

"Mom: What are you hiding in there? -nuthin [Vin Diesel noises from closet] M: Is Vin Diesel in there? -...yes Vin Diesel: [from closet] No."

"A Jewish kid asks his father for 5 bucks His dad replies, ""4 dollars? What would you need 3 dollars for??"""

"What are eukaryotes' least favorite subject in school? Algaebra..."

"My new girlfriend is amazing in the bedroom... She goes down on me more than the EA servers..."

"How did the barber win the race? He knew a **short cut!** ^I'm ^sorry"