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Joke of the Day

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming in panic like everyone else in the car."

"How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Apparently more than 40, because my basement's still dark"

"I wonder how many miles I've scrolled with my thumb."

"Why don't elephants like playing cards in the jungle ? Because of all the cheetahs !"

"Q: What makes a chef sadder the skinnier it gets? A: An onion."

"Whenever someone says they don't like the Beatles, I'm like ""Whatever, Gary."" (their name isn't necessarily Gary; that's just an example)"

"Nobody gracefully gets out of a beanbag chair."

"What do a burnt pizza and a baby have in common? Some idiot pulled it out to late"

"How do you know if a girl is ticklish? Give her two test tickles."

"A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""Get out! We don't serve your kind here."" The superconductor left without resistance."