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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally arrived at work five minutes early today. Speeding CAN be dangerous, kids."

"Went to our annual work party last night... They played 'The Twist' so I twisted. They played 'Jump' so I jumped. Then they played 'Come on Eileen'...I was asked to leave shortly after that."

"My girlfriend from high school called today. She's stoked about getting her driver's license."

"What do cows like to put on their hot dogs? moostard"

"I never thought that eating a bowl of Alphabet Soup could help me overcome constipation. But here I am, in the loo, having a massive vowel movement."

"My parents always said I was artistic. They were very modest, so they only ever whispered it to each other."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One's a scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and the other's a fish."

"What is it called when a cow is unwillingly milked? **Moo**lestation"

"Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I dont mind doing a 5km but I cant be fucked doing a 10km run"

"Why was 6 afraid of 11? Because 11 snaps people's necks with her mind."