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Joke of the Day

"I get all my indisputable political facts from what my uncle Harold posts on Facebook. Like did u know Obama killed the last living unicorn?"

"how does a bakery know when to make more bread? on a knead the dough basis"

"What was Jeremy Clarkson on during Top Gear? SPEEEED!"

"What's Hitler's least favorite planet? Jupiter"

"*into earpiece during date* Ok now maintain eye contact No not that kind of contact Bro do not touch her eyes Get your eye away from hers"

"Why is the Math Book so sad? It has so many problems! -Sorry doing a whole bunch of math today and i thought of this."

"What do vegetarian worms eat?? Linda Mcartney"

"My wife and I often orgasm at the same time But rarely in the same place."

"So, this co-worker stated that she makes ice cubes with her leftover alcohol. I'm confused. What's leftover alcohol?"

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, if they'll fit."