119751

Joke of the Day

"Why do so many people swallow everything Trump says? Cause they don't have enough teeth to chew it."

"What do you call a constipated Benedict Cumberbatch? No Shit Sherlock"

"Me: Do you want a burger or a hot dog? Her: Neither. I'm vegan. Me: Feel free to eat as much grass as you want."

"I bet by the time you were done listening to The Fray's ""How to Save a Life,"" the person choking on their food would be dead already."

"Mad scientist- Checks for Labs Bartender- Checks for Tabs Boxer- Checks for Jabs Uber- Checks for Cabs Your back - Checks for Stabs"

"Sometimes I ask myself, what would Aquaman do? So I sit in the bathtub and cry about how useless I am."

"I'm pretty sure if Flo from Progressive and Jake from State Farm hooked up, the universe would explode."

"Good morning class, science is our lesson for today. Teacher: What is science? Student: Me Ma'am! Me! Teacher: Ok Pedro! What is science? Student: science is our Lesson for today."

"Hear about Harrison Fords plane crash? I guess he shouldn't have been..... (_) ( _)>- (_) Flying solo."

"""You know, your ex-wife was trash! I never liked her."" ""We're still married, Grandma."" ""She's such a lovely girl."""