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Joke of the Day

"2005: We want cell phones to be so tiny 2015: We want cell phones the size of the big rib from the Flintstones intro that tips the car over"

"A patient said to a psychiatrist, ""I keep wanting to cover myself in gold paint."" The psychiatrist said, ""Sounds like you have a gilt complex."""

"[bum holds his hand out] ""can I have some change?"" change comes from within ""thank u. now I'm not poor anymore"""

"See above is an understatement."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call it, it won't come."

"The way I dealt with that unexpected cobweb to the face tells me I probably wouldn't have been much use in Vietnam."

"You know you masturbate too much when... both hands pretend to be asleep."

"Why was the 'P' irate? Because his peg leg made him go 'R'"

"Hi, famous people getting DUIs. You know you can probably afford a driver, right? Just a thought."

"As my wife and three of her friends squeezed into the car after WeightWatchers.... I muttered under my breath, ""Fat fucking cows."" ""What was that?"" snapped my wife. ""You herd."""