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Joke of the Day

"This day in history. 1940. Carbon-14 was discovered, allowing us to estimate the age of organic materials such as wood, leather, and Cher."

"I hate the phrase ""let me clarify"" because it means someone is about to talk some more."

"Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad."

"On this day in history: people related to you whose names you do not know performed actions that were never recorded."

"You shouldn't come back, because later you'll still want to leave."

"Impress an Asian chick by treating her as an equal."

"Its ridiculous that Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his anger issues and not for his amazing & realistic paintings of fake tunnels."

"Plenty of great people were single just like you are. For instance: Voldemort. Wait, bad example. You're way less talented than Voldemort."

"Which country has the cheapest prostitutes? Vietnam. Because over there you need 20840 dongs to make a dollar."

"[bedtime] brain: hey remember that lost episode where the couple gets paralyzed DO THOSE SPIDERS LIVE NEAR US me: SLEEP brain: NO, GOOGLE IT"