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Joke of the Day

"Don't go to a fight with a gun or a knife, Bubblewrap yourself, People won't fight when there's bubblewrap"

"I tried donating sperm the other day, but they refused me. The requirements they have are really strict there at the salvation army"

"My 12yo son's protip: Buy larger sized clothes and you'll look like you lost weight. You're welcome."

"What's the smartest muscle in the human body? The anal sphincter; it can differentiate solid, liquid, and gas."

"What's the worst part about being a railroad conductor? The training."

"If we're talking and I suddenly look off into the distance at a copse of trees that means I'm thinking of burying you there."

"I wish some people could actually see their personality when they look in a mirror."

"I'm not racist I don't even separate my laundry"

"If the dove is the bird of peace what is the bird of true love? The swallow."

"I used to have a friend who wanted to be run over by a steam train... When he finally was, he was chuffed to bits."