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Joke of the Day

"I play a drinking game where i drink everytime i get an answer right on Jeopardy. Its a good way to stay sober."

"When is a car, not a car? When it turns into a driveway."

"I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come... Then there was awkward silence as he got dressed and left."

"I'm getting a restraining order against my debt collectors. As much as they call me it's really just starting to come across as desperate"

"when my kids lose a tooth i'm gonna put euros under their pillow they'll cry but i'll be all uh oh looks like daddy has to take us to europe"

"A good way to meet a lot of cops is to put a ""Baby On Board"" sticker on a picnic basket tied to a motorcycle."

"A cannibal showed up late to the luncheon His friends gave him the cold shoulder."

"If you love someone, set them fee. If they don't come back, call them up later when you're drunk."

"A mosquito walks into gang territory looking for blood... All he finds are cripz."

"What 6 inches goes to your mouth? Toothbrush...you dirty bastard"