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Joke of the Day
"Nice selfie, I love the way the light brings out the bat sh*t crazy psycho in your eyes."
Next Joke
"Why were all the ships sinking Because the japanese just learned to fly and were looking for a fun target"
"Ants can carry twenty times their own body weight, which is a very useful information.. If you're moving and you need help carrying a potato chip across town."
"I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, ""Oi, what's your disability?"" I said, ""Tourettes! Now fuck off!"""
"If Hillary brought a carpet bag to New York, what did Bill bring? Hard wood."
"I'm thinking about writing a book. It's a novel idea."
"TIFU by Mixing up my Pastor's Sandwich Order at Subway! Whoops, wrong *sub*."
"That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to ""single"" and your ex likes it."
"I loaned my friend $15K for plastic surgery... And now I don't know what he looks like."
"are you my appendix because i don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out"