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Joke of the Day

"[sees baby drooling] um excuse me i am a person not a piece of meat"

"What's Romeo and Juliette's least favorite fruit? cantelope"

"This waitress at Olive Garden has been grating cheese onto my plate for 13 hours now."

"What works better than anti-depressants? A 12 Gauge in the mouth This came to me whilst being all depressed."

"I miss having Lance Armstrong at the Olympics He was dope."

"I want a job cleaning mirrors... It's something I could really see myself doing."

"I'm super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I'm also wearing a cape."

"What has shadier inner workings, Reddit or FIFA? Still waiting to hear back from an admin."

"The 4th little pig built his house into a windmill. The wolf huffed and puffed and generated enough power to last the whole winter."

"What is worse, ignorance or apathy? I don't know, and i don't care.."