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Joke of the Day

"Me: *singing ""Don't stop believing""* Joe: What are you doing? Me: Practicing for Journey duty J: You mean Jury duty? M: No, it says...shit"

"What do bricks and Latinas have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans..."

"It was recently discovered that Pluto is not actually a dog."

"Who else takes their phone out when you're in public by yourself, just so you don't look like some idiot with no friends."

"Knock Knock Who's there? IP IP Who Haha...that's nice r/eli5 it's funny because it sounds like I poo"

"When I call 911, I'm gonna do a Sean Connery impersonation to briefly amuse the jurors at my trial."

"70 year old man asked his wife... Do you feel sad when u see me running behind young girls? Wife: No not at all, even dogs chase cars but they can't drive it."

"Unlike most English people my girlfriend doesn't have bad teeth. She sold them."

"I always envisioned Hermione as a burly, middle-aged Italian fellow, so imagine my surprise when the films revealed her to be a little girl."

"The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin Mcallister because I'm always going home alone"