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Joke of the Day

"When I call 911, I'm gonna do a Sean Connery impersonation to briefly amuse the jurors at my trial."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer I don't know what they were laced with but I have been tripping all day."

"How do you turn a dishwasher into a snowblower? Hand the bitch a shovel"

"For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday."

"From my 5 year old: Knock knock! Who's there? Orange! Orange Who? Orange you glad I love you? All my awws."

"Who says time travel doesn't exist and we can't go back in time? America just did."

"Power Rangers taught me that the way to solve a problem is to pose in front of it aggressively until it explodes"

"Twitter is the witness protection program from family on Facebook."

"What is the difference between Harry potter and jews? Harry potter made it out if the chamber"

"why cant Paul Walker use tumblr? He only sticks to the dashboard"