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Joke of the Day
"I tried to buy perfume from a vending machine, but it was out of odor."
Next Joke
"My attitude changes in 5 seconds flat. From sweetheart to bitch. So I suggest you don't test that."
"""Pilot season"" in Hollywood is when TV networks pay writers millions of dollars to think of ways people could move in together."
"A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. He gave it to her."
"Nobody's phone is ever off. They're lying."
"I didn't know when your wedding was because you spelled out the date and time like a goddamn medieval sorcerer."
"Only in America would people violently trample each other for discounts, exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have..."
"There will only be 7 planets left... After I destroy Uranus."
"[consoling widow] I was the one who put the kick me sign on your husband. I had no idea you owned a horse that can read"
"What did the racist ask Santa for? A white Christmas."