118918

Joke of the Day

"Thought about growing some impatiens this year... but then decided against it. Takes too long."

"Can't wait until phones become waterproof so pushing people in pools becomes funny again."

"WHAT DO WE WANT? The ability to ask different questions WHAT DO WE WANT? See this is what we were talking about"

"Why roboticize vacuuming? It's all instant gratification. It's the crack of cleaning."

"Improvement One student to another: ""How are your English lessons coming along?"" ""Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."""

"My wife asked me to teach her to use the snowblower.. I said, ""How about we start with the vacuum""."

"What I reply with when someone asks, ""What'd the comment say?"" [Removed]"

"Why can't T-Rex's High Five? Because they're all dead"

"Remember the undies with the days of the week on them, Monday, Tuesday....? In Romania we had something similar, our girls on their undies had January, February...."

"Why did George Washington leave office after his second term. He wanted to set a president."