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Joke of the Day
"My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy... so I got drunk."
Next Joke
"Most of the 1990s was spent staring at a cool light display on an Aiwa stereo."
"[Pharrell eating at Arby's] ""I want a new look"" Like a new hair cut? ""Something crazier"" *notices the hat in the Arby's logo* ""I've got it!"""
"I can't believe carotene is STILL in its beta phase."
"I feel bad for skeletons... They have *nobody* to be with."
"My oldest is 14 today. Daddy's baby is growing up. Soon she'll start looking for boyfriends and find them all dead under the floor boards."
"What does the H stand for in Jesus H Christ? [Lame Joke] Haploid"
"My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey. So I took a photo of her hair!"
"Why is there no point in sending medicine to Athiopia? Because the instructions usually say: ""Take after meals."""
"Oh no sir, that shark wasn't attacking me, my wife was yelling at me from the shore so I was just trying to swim into his mouth."