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Joke of the Day

"HIM: isn't wintertime just so romantic ME (smiles & my lips crack open & blood starts pouring down my chin): oh definitely"

"Why did the porn star end up in the E.R.? One too many blows to the head. My only original joke. I'll see myself out."

"The buildup of carbon emissions in the atmosphere is a great icebreaker."

"What is afraid of pussy? Mice, what else?"

"If you have that loud keyboard clicking sound enabled on your iPhone, give me your phone. You don't get a phone."

"Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it."

"What's a martian's favorite wine? Chardonayy."

"Knock knock -Who's there? 9/11 -9/11 who? I thought you said you'd never forget."

"There's one thing I've learned after my son got hit in the face with dog excrement. I'm rather good at golf."

"What do you call a baby panther? a Newton."