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Joke of the Day

"Why should women only masturbate with these two fingers? *holds up middle and ring finger* Because they're mine!"

"My watch broke a week ago I've been meaning to replace it but I don't have the time"

"Did you hear about the dentist who planted a garden?... A month later he was picking his teeth"

"MY NECK. MY BACK. MY PJ'S AND MY SNACK."

"Obi-wan: You don't have a shot with Padme. Anakin: Don't underestimate my charm. *stares at her creepily for the rest of the movie*"

"What is Donald Trump's favourite ice cream? Walls Vanilla Carte D'or - It's not Mexican! (*I am going to hell for this!)"

"What did the ocean said to the river when they parted ways ? Nothing, he was just full of tears"

"I love gay people. Or as I sometimes call them, ""people."""

"I tried phone sex last night Safe to say, I would prefer if you didn't call me during working hours until it goes flat."

"The worst part of being an astronaut would be eventually having to come back to Earth and deal with other people."