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Joke of the Day

"Star sign logic: Some good things will happen to u and then some bad things will happen. It'll pretty much continue like this until u die."

"So, I found my first gray pubic hair the other day. I was way more excited about it than the other people on the elevator."

"Knock knock Heisenberg Knock knock Who's there I am the one who knocks I am the one who knocks who You know exactly who I am say my name Heisenberg You're goddamn right."

"I don't ALWAYS post filthy tweets, but when I do, it is right after I'm followed by someone with ""my Lord and Savior"" in their bio."

"Two roommates were arguing... About who gets to use the microwave first. Then things started getting heated."

"Today should be called bridge day.. 'Cause I'm over it"

"What's the difference between the 2016 Rio Olympics and the 2016 US presedential race? The Olympic competitors are qualified."

"How does NASA organize parties? First they planet then the stars comet."

"Funny Lance Armstrong Joke I just heard that Lance Armstrong got his medals taken away from him for using drugs.. This is crazy because, when I do drugs.. I can't even find my bike."

"How do astronomers organize a party? They planet"