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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a shooting star. The crime in this galaxy is getting out of hand."

"YOU MOTHER FUCKER! -I haven't fucked any mothers yet but yours is at the top of my list."

"I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, ""Well, this changes everything"""

"A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist."

"Sorry, I can't make it. Can't find my ""goin out"" sweatpants."

"I lost a very dear friend and drinking buddy in a tragic accident this weekend. He got his finger caught in a wedding band."

"What is an astronaut's favorite key on a keyboard? The spacebar!"

"What has two legs and bleeds? Half a cat....."

"The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, whatever."

"I enjoy visiting countries where I don't speak the language because it requires zero effort to tune out everyone around me."