221624

Joke of the Day

"The best thing about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that lonely bed of yours. Left, right, middle, whatever."

"Why is it so hard for an eighty year old woman to pee in the morning? Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?!"

"I accidentally walked in on my daughter masturbating with a cucumber and I immediately shut the door. ""Ewe gross, I was going to eat that later, now it's going to taste like a cucumber"""

"What do Karl Marx and the founder of Linux have in common? Both of them hate classes."

"Restaurant Activity: Walk over to a table of strangers and ask, ""Who ordered the farts?"" Then, fart."

"*stares at bottel of sleepin pills* when wil they wakE UP"

"My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia. Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking."

"My angry wife said: ""I hope you spend an eternity in hell !"".... I said, ""Why wait? I'll take you clothes shopping right now""."

"Q: What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and a pit bull? A: The pit bull doesn't carry a briefcase."

"Did you hear about the mathematician who hated negative numbers? He would always stop at nothing to avoid them."