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Joke of the Day

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning."

"What is big and red and rolls over in the snow? Santa Claus hit in the balls!"

"*first date (Me, texting) This is awful. She's boring, has no sense of humor & rude Her: You know you speak out loud when you text, right?"

"When a husband asks you if you think it's possible to love someone forever... ""If I find the right person"" is apparently the wrong answer."

"When attempting to make a good first impression imagine how important good grammar is. Wrong. Importanter."

"How do you fix a broken tuba? With a tuba glue."

"I never wanted to believe my husband was stealing from his job as a road worker... ...but when I got home all the signs were there."

"""Look, I know I'm just a deep dish filled with dough, tomato sauce, and mozzarella cheese... But you should really reconnect with your father."" ""Hey! That's a little personal, pan pizza!"""

"All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else."

"Did you hear the tragic news about Robin Williams? He's considering a Mrs. Doubtfire sequel."