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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a marijuana robbery? A high-st"

"How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up."

"What do you call bread so burnt it can never be ate? Comatoast"

"If Apple releases a car... will it have Windows?"

"I make more Freudian slips before 9am than most people do all gay."

"I have to mispronounce 'Lincoln' and 'cologne' if I want to spell them correctly."

"What was Forrest Gump's password? 1Forrest1"

"I'm torn between feeling like I can do anything if I wanted to, and feeling like I don't want to do anything because I don't want to."

"[Eating unhealthy potato at restaurant] Cop: You're under arrest. Me: What's the charge? [Lowers sunglasses] Cop: a salt and buttery."

"Ex picked up the kids, brought me coffee & took out my trash. This divorce thing is really working out for me."