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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I just get the urge to belt out The Lion Sleeps Tonight. After all, it's only a whim away."

"I'm thinking about writing a book. It's a novel idea."

"Did you hear about the suicidal dolphin? He lost the porpoise to live."

"Under Bush we had 3 Shrek movies. Under Obama we had 1. Can we really trust a president whose #1 goal was to bring down the Shrek franchise?"

"There is this new awesome technology to do group chats... It's called ""put your damn phone away and join the conversation!"""

"Is cyanide the most efficient way to kill someone? Asking for a fiend."

"Why are gay men so well dressed? They didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing"

"I guess if your a meth head You've only got one sleep until Christmas"

"Skrillex used to play string instruments in the orchestra, until he dropped the bass."

"Said the masochist to the sadist: ""Oh hit me, hurt me, oh please just use me"" Said the sadist to the masochist: ... no"