203518

Joke of the Day

"Under Bush we had 3 Shrek movies. Under Obama we had 1. Can we really trust a president whose #1 goal was to bring down the Shrek franchise?"

"Why don't astronauts keep their jobs very long? Because as soon as they start they get fired."

"*decides to workout* *lays on ground to do sit-up* *find skittle on ground* *eats it* *takes nap*"

"The inventor of Chapstick died today. Unfortunately his body was lost while being transferred to the morgue."

"Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. "

"3 guys walk into a bar.... and the fourth guy ducks!"

"Did you hear the joke about argon and krypton? It didn't get much of a reaction. ^^^^ill^just^be^on^my^way^out^now"

"How is pussy like veal? It tastes sweeter the younger it is."

"Hedgehogs Why can't they just share the hedge?"

"Jesus Christ. They stole your tweet. Not your first born son."