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Joke of the Day

"[phone sex] GF: Tell me you want me ME: I want you badly GF: How badly? ME: I want you [checking thesaurus in a panic] haphazardly"

"Guy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs. Guy: Do they swell? Girl: No. They spread"

"Why is the letter ""B"" so cold? Because its between AC..."

"What do you call people who rely on the ""safe period"" for contraception? -Parents"

"There's no sex like the we haven't had it for awhile' kind of sex."

"Yea? Well who died & made you Batman? Oh crap..that's right. Bruce, I'm so sorry. Come on, dude, don't cry. Seriously, where you going?"

"What do my dick and my mind have in common? They both want to get blown."

"What does a whistle-blower do during a Russian blizzard? Nothing, he's Snowden."

"How does Sean Connery shave? CTRL + S"

"The annoying moment when I get comfy in bed and realize I forgot to do something."