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Joke of the Day

"Guy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs. Guy: Do they swell? Girl: No. They spread"

"Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting."

"Your body is a temple. Mine is a graveyard."

"Two kinds of lairs when it comes to masturbation ... Those that say they never have ... ...And those that say they quit ."

"Donald Trump has Muslim friends, Rick Santorum has gay friends, Ted Cruz has imaginary friends. #GOPDebate"

"I'm pretty great with money. Folks keep calling me and telling me my accounts are outstanding."

"Cashier: ""Look at all this candy! You're going to have a lot of happy kids this Halloween"" Me: ""It's Halloween?"""

"My friend told me he wanted to join the Spanish Inquisition the other day. I managed to Torquemada it."

"What's an advantage of being Swiss? The flag is a big plus."

"With the rape allegations against Cosby... I guess we know what he meant by pudding pops. (I just made this up. Sorry if it's been posted.)"