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Joke of the Day

"Joke from my cousin Her: Why did the chicken cross the road? Me: Why? Her: To get to the ugly guy's house. Me:??? Her: Knock knock Me: Who's there? Her: It's the chicken!"

"Whats the difference between me and Jimmy Fallon? I can get through his opening monologue without laughing"

"Could you play us a song? Cat Stevens: Maybe. *Sets guitar on table* Cat Stevens: *Maintains eye contact-slowly pushes guitar off table*"

"My gf got into a car accident today... I take public transportation so I don't also get rear ended by strangers."

"I cut my finger on a beer can, I now know how Julius Caesar felt when he was betrayed by his best friend."

"What's DJ Khaled's favorite number? 11, because it has another one."

"Woke up this morning after a heavy night of drinking to find out that I'd gone bald. Which is strange because normally I go for brunettes."

"Hello (Sorry for my English)"

"[body shape - help request] M, 18, struggling to get rid of a body fit for a 46 year old... Seriously guys, do I cut it up or just bury it whole?"

"Beats by Dre is such a huge success that I think he should start a sunglasses line. 50 Shades of Dre."