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Joke of the Day

"favorite pick up line hey babe, are your parents retarded? Because you sure are special"

"I really really really really clearly am not a PC type of gal but I'm a little weirded out at the oriental dressing option on my flight"

"Start with the answer. What's an easy way to ruin a good joke?"

"knock knock jokes!!!!!!!!!!!! knock knock who's there? hugh hugh who? huch need to listen to me!"

"General Contractor: Don't worry ma'am, everything will be ready, we'll have the scaffolding set up and erected. Me: *mutes phone* hahahahaha"

"I like my tea like I like my women.... Plain, dark and bitter!"

"Is sex without obligations possible after getting married? Yeah - sometimes I can have sex without promising to do the dishes afterwards."

"[elevator] ""Wanna buy a spoon?"" Huh, no, why? [elevator slowly fills with pudding] [opens briefcase filled with spoons] [sheepishly] Yes."

"Shake what your momma gave ya! *shakes old decorative wreath* (pine needles and holly berries go everywhere)"

"How did Bilbo survive the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy? Because old Hobbits die hard..."