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Joke of the Day

"My marriage counselor asked me to think of something me and my wife have in common.... I said, ""Well, we both refuse to suck dick."""

"My wife said ""If you switch off the light, I will take it up the ass."" She let out a scream. Maybe I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first..."

"Did you hear the latest about Donald Sterling? He wouldn't get in his limo. He said that it was ""too black."""

"Dear autocorrect, please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut."

"gas is getting cheaper back in my day it cost two towers"

"""If you woke up with Vaseline up your butt would you tell anybody?"" ""Um No"" ""Wanna go camping?"""

"My wife tells me im always too negative Well, doesnt that make me a positive?"

"Commented on a woman's french manicure. ""I like your tips"" ...let's just say she didn't hear me correctly."

"What do you call that feeling when the bus finally arrives? a peasantfeeling"

"The movie Noah would be more entertaining if it was combined with Sharknado."