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Joke of the Day
"I thought I might be pregnant. It turns out I'm just three months fat."
Next Joke
"Why did the sun-praiser receive the full inheritance from his grandmother? Because he was the Solaire!"
"When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my dad did not screaming in terror like the passengers in his cab."
"[at wine tasting] Hmm yes, very good. a slight smokey undertone. ""Sir, you just put your cigarette in your wine"" Strong smokey undertone"
"What is the smallest mall? sMall !"
"*Pizza Hut job interview* ""Do you own a shitty car and smoke pot?"" No sir. ""You will."""
"Did you know if a person farts too much their ass turns blue! It's from the methane, just look at Uranus!"
"Jews will be celebrating Passover soon... ...to commemorate the day John Stewart was passed over for the spot on the late show."
"Did yo hear about the Hillary special at KFC? Two fat thighs and a left wing for $2.99"
"How did the terminal cancer patient do in school? He passed."