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Joke of the Day

"Before I go out binge drinking I always eat a stick of butter. It doesn't do anything I just make really poor life choices."

"I don't believe that twitter is the place for arguments. We all have family for that.."

"you must have a special kind of death wish if you have your read receipts on and still ignore my texts."

"With only one plug in this hospital room it's not looking good for Nana's respirator if my phone battery dies and I have a good tweet."

"Boyfriend wants me to eat loads of purple candy so I can ""dye"" his balls for Easter. He better trim the grass first."

"If you cross your fingers after surgery you'll heal faster Or maybe that's just super stichin'"

"Which Sri Lankan do Star Wars fans like? May Theforcebewithyou."

"Suzy Why did little Suzy fall of the swing set? She has no arms... Knock knock? Who's there? Not Suzy"

"My dad worked on a car assembly line for 40 years. He retired years ago but still struggles with post pneumatic press disorder."

"There are 10 types of people ... Those who understand binary and those who dont !"