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Joke of the Day

"Why did the tortoise get arrested? Because he got there before the hare."

"Why did the salmon cross the road? To get to the front page"

"I farted today on the bus... I farted today on the bus and 4 people turned around. Felt like I was on The Voice."

"Why do Black People only have Nightmares? Cuz we killed the only one with a dream!!! (I'm very sorry, he was a great man whose death should be treated with respect) Happy MLK Day!"

"Me: yes, I'll take the free burger Cashier: sir, you have to buy one to get one Me: I only want one though, the free one"

"Thank you, student loan, for getting me through college. I don't think I can ever repay you ."

"A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich... After finishing his meal, he tries to pull out a gun, but the owner shoots him dead because he's seen this joke on /r/jokes a hundred times."

"1,3,7,9 Were murdered last night What are the odds of that happening?"

"Sometimes I treat my depression, but other times we go dutch."

"Of course Tom Brady got twice the suspension Ray Rice did. Ray Rice only beat his wife, Tom Brady beats everybody."