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Joke of the Day

"-What should we name this creature w/ big feet? ""Bigfoot"" -And this w/ saber teeth? ""Sabertooth"" -And this beaverduck? ""Platypus"" -wtf dude"

"""yes I'm very good in bed"" *folds blanket and neatly props up pillow* *pillow falls over* ""Oh no, this doesn't normally happen I swear"""

"Pro Tip: don't believe everything on Twitter. Y'all said throw her up against the wall to keep her happy. Karen from accounting. Not Happy."

"[OC] What did the asian say when he saw a line at the local soup kitchen? Ugh.... Pho queue..."

"My favorite sexual position is the JFK... It's where I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car."

"July 4th celebrates the original Brexit. Thanks George"

"The wife convinced me into taking her to Hawaii if she lost 20 pounds. You'd be surprised how many M&M's someone can swallow in their sleep."

"A Pervert, A Con Artist and a Fascist walk into a bar... ..The Bartender Says, ""What'll it be Mr. President Trump?"""

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's a pretty obscure number, you've probably never heard of it."

"Why don't you ever watch old people have sex? You ever spread open a grilled cheese?"