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Joke of the Day

"When someone gets playfully thrown into a swimming pool on TV, all I can do is worry if they have their cell phone in their pocket."

"What does a drama student do while stuck in Math class? she cos(plays)"

"Now playing: With Myself."

"What's Hitler's favorite football team? Forty NEIN ers."

"Listened to Korean Jazz the other day... It had two kinds of Seoul."

"I was chasing a girl with a dildo through the park. I would have left her alone, if she'd just given me back my dildo."

"My friend is blind and ignorant to the pain so many people suffer of having burning shits after eating spicy food. What an insensitive asshole."

"That's the last time Shang Tsung accompanies my family to the fish restaurant.... He spent all night trying to steal my brother's sole!"

"The thing about liking Kanye is that no matter how into him you are, you're AT BEST his #2 fan."

"So the other day I tried to bring 2 dead raccoons on an airplane... but the lady at the desk told me a second carrion costs extra."