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Joke of the Day

"In 2017 I'm going to start eating healthy again. This marks the end of my cheat decade."

"What Time Did Sean Connery Arrive at Wimbledon? Tennish"

"What is the difference between light and hard? Well, you can sleep with a light on."

"My phone battery dies faster than a black guy in a horror movie."

"Do you ever take a bunch of pills, forget that you took a bunch of pills, take a bunch more pills, and then die? I know. Me TOO."

"I taught my daughter to whistle a few days ago and now I'm teaching her that whistling can lead to adoption."

"GREEN LIPSTICK Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? A: Because red means stop."

"I drink to forget that I accidentally once said ""I love you"" when ending a call with a customer service rep."

"I like to take candy from a kid cause sugar is bad for them. Then, I eat it in front of them while saying, ""don't do this"""

"What's the difference between a blowjob and anal sex? One makes your day and the other makes your hole weak."