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Joke of the Day

"Me: *passes out pizza* 3: no fair, you have 4 slices and I only have 2 Me: *cuts his 2 slices into 6 slices* 3: wow, thank you"

"My hobbies include reading books, eating snacks, and sending emails referencing attachments without the attachments."

"Look, don't ask me about the blind masturbation competition. I don't know where I came."

"What's a vampire's favorite dance? The Vaults."

"Why is Viagra like Disneyworld? - You have to wait an hour for a three minute ride"

"Cowboys would still be alive today if they hadn't shot all of their spare bullets in the air after winning one gunfight."

"What did Santa say at the brothel? Hoe! Hoe! Hoe!"

"Did you know Helen Keller had a very pretty dollhouse? Neither did she."

"Any recommendations for a new chiropractor? Dr. Reece Etmabak."

"Fortune tellers I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night, I fucked a chick named Penny. What are the odds?"