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Joke of the Day

"What is the best music to air drum to while driving? Def Leppard, because you can keep on hand on the wheel."

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"""I guess we should make them sound like a space shuttle is taking off during an a-bomb explosion."" -person who invented hand dryers"
"[walks in on someone watching Wheel Of Fortune] What's this, Wheel of Fortune?"
"PitbullPhobia: An extreme or irrational fear of singing alone."
"My wife has been binge watching episodes of snapped, so I cancelled my life insurance policy, and haven't slept or eaten in days."
"What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph because they're not a full esay"
"Flint Lead Did you hear they discovered the number one source of lead poisoning in Flint MI is not the water.......it's the bullets."
"After 12 years in prison ..... After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, ""Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!"""
"If this guy calls me ""sweetie"" one more time I SWEAR I'll continue to pleasantly smile and nod."
"[roulette] ME: [slaps table] 50 on red CROUPIER: Sir that is 50 pictures of Celine Dion ME: Yes and if I win [grabs him] you owe me 50 more"