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Joke of the Day

"I'd totally shake what my momma gave me but abandonment issues aren't really a tangible physical manifestation....."

"Why are the other numbers afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9."

"If a meteorite hits a planet, what do you call the ones that miss? A meteor-WRONG!"

"Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she."

"Immediately after giving birth to me my mom was charged with crimes against humanity"

"Obama: Hello Amer- *feels a tug on his suit coat* What Joe?? Biden: What color should the lion be? Yellow. Biden: I'm using green. *giggles*"

"'Why are you crying Ted ?' asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'"

"Eating a meal on an airplane makes me feel like a Tyrannosaurus rex who has to operate on a baby."

"What do you call a dad joke in Jamaica? Dreadful."

"lady at table behind me: sometimes babies get gassy. they can't burp so they get mad and cry me, turning around angrily: its not JUST babies"