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Joke of the Day

"You are what you eat... ...said one squirrel to another. The other said in disbelief, ""You're nuts."""

"A distracted man walks off a cliff while talking on his phone. He was sentenced to death."

"My pedophile support group kicked me out last week I was getting a little behind"

"Why would you wrap masking tape around a 3 day old baby? So it doesn't burst when you fuck it."

"People ask me what I'm really into these days. I tell them ""debt."""

"small joke truth or dare dare order us pizza"

"I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, and I thought to myself, Wow, dogs are easily entertained. Then I realized : I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes."

"I'm eating for six, according to the serving size on every single package of everything ever."

"If you want to relate to how old people probably feel just imagine that a bowl of soup cost $40 and everybody else acted like that was fine."

"Her: You're all sweaty. Where have you been? *Flash back to an hour long struggle of me trying to separate 2 shopping carts* Me: The gym."