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Joke of the Day

"[tweets about one side of an issue to my followers who all agree with me already] hell yes I'm making a difference"

"A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells ""You should have been here at 8:30!"" He replies: ""Why? What happened at 8:30?"""

"[Dr.] ""Your blood is 40% cheese, if you eat ANY more you'll die"" *slowly raises piece of cheese to mouth* ""Don't do it"" *eats cheese* *dies*"

"The sign at the pool says, Children Under 12 Require Supervision. I guess anyone over 12 is allowed in with only normal eyesight."

"What do you call a turkey with Parkinson's Disease? Turkey Jerky"

"What do you call an animal that doesn't matter? Irrelephant."

"What do Jews call a lone rabbit? A rabbi."

"Beer: The WD40 for conversations."

"This is the difference between a lousy Golfer and a lousy Parachutist. The lousy Golfer goes splash then damn. The lousy Parachutist goes damn then splash."

"Woman sends emotional text that's 5 paragraphs long. Man responds with ""k."" Woman spontaneously combusts."