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Joke of the Day

"To the people that put their Twitter link in their own Twitter profile: Thank you. I would have never found you otherwise."

"*Takes your face in my hands* *Looks deep into your eyes* *Whispers ""You make me want to spend the rest of my life avoiding you"" *"

"The revolution will not be televised. It will be streaming on netflix this summer"

"The sign at the McDonald's I just passed says ""We hiring"" in case you're wondering what kind of qualifications you need to have to be hired."

"Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out."

"When I was single, my most frequently used approach with women was to play hard to get rid of."

"When everyone around you is an ahole you've gotta stop, take a long look at you & accept how awesome you are dead center in ahole land."

"There was an indecisive buddha... ...his mantra was 'ummmm'"

"In dog beers, I've only had one ..."

"Menstruation jokes are never funny... Period."