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Joke of the Day
"""Can I buy you a drink?"" ""I'd rather just have the money"""
Next Joke
"[at the mall] ""Excuse me? I lost my son. Can I please make an announcement?"" ""Of course."" [leans in to mic] ""Goodbye you little shit."""
"Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean."
"STOP RUNNING IN THE HOUSE! I said STOP RUNNING! STOP RUNN.. YOU BETTER RUN YOU LITTLE SHIT!"
"Nice job, whoever chose the word ""monosyllabic"" for that."
"Because it ruins the joke. Why should you never mix up the title and the punchline?"
"Did you hear about the girl that backed into an airplane propeller? Disaster"
"Sleeping Beauty has a pretty good situation going on until Prince Charming came and screwed it up."
"*phone rings* Wife: ""Quick! Pretend I'm not in!"" Me (a dad): ""Hello. Yes my wife is here. Hey, Not In. It's for you."" Wife: ""...."""
"My cousins baby child keeps pointing at me and saying 'cat'"