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Joke of the Day

"Texting is a brilliant way to miscommunicate how you feel, and misinterpret what other people mean."

"cop: ""can you point at which zebra it was"" zebra: ""ha good luck we all look the same"" me: [points at zebra wearing my sunglasses] ""that one"""

"Police Officer: ""Can you identify yourself, Sir""? Driver pulls out his mirror and says: ""Yes, it's me""."

"What do you call an elephant that can't do sums ? Dumbo !"

"I had a cough like that once... I didn't kick the bucket, I was just a little pail!"

"Why do sandwiches never have kids? Because they always turn out in-bread."

"How did the grave robber perish when he became trapped in a pyramid? He died of asphinxiation!"

"This is the last pair of shoes I buy from a drug dealer... I don't know what he laced them with, but I just keep tripping."

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I've said it before."

"There's an app to show who's unfollowed you lately? Damn, that sounds depressing. If my number drops I just assume it's because they died."