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Joke of the Day

"The reason why Scientology can't be a religion? There are no 1,000,000 people that died because of Scientology."

"When I was a child, I remember lying in bed with my eyes closed and waiting for Santa to come... Then crying myself to sleep as he put his clothes back on and left."

"A police officer found two kids walking the streets. One had a battery and the other had a firecracker. He charged one and let the other one off"

"Why did the prisoners switch to liquid soap in the shower? Because it's harder to pick up."

"Knock, knock..."

"What do you call someone who strictly prefers white rice over brown rice? A goddamn riceist"

"I hope there comes a day when cancer is just a zodiac sign"

"occupation: the family disappointment"

"me: can I buy you a drink? girl: sorry [holds up martini] already got one me: [spits in it] How about now?"

"How do you poison a hipster? Gluten"