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Joke of the Day

"2 reasons why im fat 1) i eat when I'm bored 2) im always bored"

"Congrats to #LeonardoDiCaprio on his first Best Actor Oscar. You can stop sacrificing goats now."

"I tossed a quarter at my girlfriend... ""Ouch, that hit me in the head!"" I look back and reply, ""good, maybe that'll knock some cents into you"" I'll see myself out."

"England and Ethiopia recently played each other in a football match After a tough match, with both opponents clashing, the scoreline ended in English 8 - Ethiopia Didn't"

"What is the difference between Martin Luther King Day and St. Patrick's Day? St. Patrick's day everybody wants to be Irish."

"Someone put six uneaten pastries in the trash because Satan has many forms."

"I have $5,000,000 in one pocket and $2,000,000 in the other. What do I have? Someone else's pants."

"I was really hesitant about this new haircut at first.... ...but I'm starting to like it you know. It's really growing on me. Sorry I'll leave now."

"What's big, white, and can't climb a tree? A refrigerator."

"Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again."