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Joke of the Day

"YouTube: hey we saw u watched a video about a thing Me: great, would it be possible to fill my entire feed with that thing, forever?"

"CRIMINAL: You can't arrest me if you can't see me. BABY COP: God damn, I wish I understood the concept of object permanence."

"""DO NOT TOUCH"" Must be the scariest thing to read ... ... in Braille."

"Apparently ""mowing the lawn"" means two completely different things to my wife and I"

"[rubs magic lamp] GENIE: You get 3 wishes ""Anything?"" GENIE: No wishin for more wishes ""I wish for more genies"" GENIE: I don't like you"

"I wish my car ran on shattered dreams instead of gas. I'd be able to make it to Canada on my failed ninja goals alone."

"What's the difference between a vampire with toothache and a rainstorm? One roars with pain and the other pours with rain."

"Man found dead midway through masturbating Cause of death? A stroke"

"Whilst at college I did experiment with marijuana. I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, but I did not in hail. ^-- ^Ed ^Byrne"

"What do you call a Burberry Style Transforming Truck? Optimush Prime... Hahaaa."