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Joke of the Day

"How do you fit 3 babies in a bowl? Blender. How do you get them out? Chips."

"Never play musical chairs against a person in a wheelchair. They will always beat you."

"Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it's lettuce."

"If dolphins are so smart, how come they work at Sea World?"

"my dad always makes fun of me for taking selfies all the time but if he didn't want such a beautiful child he should've kept it in his pants"

"Why did the mechanic go to art school? Because he wanted to learn how to make a van go!"

"What will Tesla build this christmas to help santa deliver presents? An elf driving car"

"[on a date] Play it cool don't let her know you're a refrigerator [her ex-boyfriend turns off the electricity] ""This isn't cool man."""

"To a guy who said that my jokes about animals are bad I can't bear with it."

"I was trying to decide on a good Chris Christie joke to tell at the party tonight... ...then I decided I would cross that bridge when I come to it."