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Joke of the Day

"HER: Are you a dog or cat person? BRAIN:*be cool, she seems pretty great* ME: Whatever you want to eat is fine. BRAIN: *nailed it*"

"What do you call it when you fuck a teenager with a bottle of hot sauce? Srirachatory rape."

"As a little girl, I dreamt of being whisked away by a handsome prince. It's my husband's dream now."

"Why was the blind guy always so happy? He couldn't see any reason not to be!"

"Why couldn't 5 stop drinking? Because it was 2 turnt up"

"If a man goes cheats for four times, according to the rules of geometry, he will come home."

"Back in the day my parents wanted me to marry only one of my own. Now they're like ""That orangutan looks nice. That elephant looks smart."""

"A Wheelchair Basketball Game I was at a wheelchair basketball game, and the announcer told everyone to ""Please rise for the pledge."" The ironic thing was that all the players were veterans."

"What do you call a Frosty's prostitute? A snow blower"

"What did the number 0 say to 8. Nice belt."