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Joke of the Day

"A boy goes on holiday to Mexico and texts his mate saying ""Weather out here is just like your mother, 36 and hot"" His mate replies ""Weather back here is just like your sister, 16 and wet"""

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"Joke look into the mirror"
"Why do elephants paint their balls red? So they can hide in apple trees. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? A giraffe eating apples."
"Why do blondes have bruises on their bellybuttons? Because blonde guys aren't that smart either"
"Ben Franklin ties a key to a kite, and he's a hero. I duct tape a kitten to a stop sign, and I'm an asshole? Really, History?"
"If an illegal immigrant got into a fight with a pedophile Would it be called Alien vs Predator? Edit:I honestly was unaware that this joke had been done before. Not a big robot chicken fan. My bad"
"One day I shall solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be alcohol."
"[planning heist] Me: We'll need the element of surprise. Neil deGrasse Tyson: [appears] Actually, such an element does not exist. Hi, I'm Ne"
"Simon: I wrote a song Garfunkel: *reads lyrics* Garfunkel: ""I am a rock. I am an island"" dude I'm like right here. I thought we were friends"
"What's with everyone being scared of clowns recently? Americas already got two running for president."